i love the word trying, just because it so incarnates life.
no one wants to be a bad person, yet, i'm a terrible person. not because i want to be, but because i can't help being one.
the amount of effort it takes to live, is huge.
a lot of time being stupid, and trying to avoid sin, instead of trying to live for God
a lot of trying to balance work, friends, and other work
a lot of trying to stay in contact
a lot of trying ... you name it
everything is trying, and there's not much succeeding. and that's not me being hopeless, it's me being hopeful. the fact we're still trying means we have hope that one day something will break through.
i remember a lady i met in guelph saying "as i walked through the labyrinth i realized just how much of life is slogging, trying, trying to get to God, trying to get our reward, trying and slogging along in a busy world, and when i got to the centre of the labyrinth and looked around, i felt so satisfied and fulfilled, and as i sat there, i realized that i eventually had to leave the centre of the labyrinth and slogg all the way back to the beginning, and go back to life. just as the disciples weren't able to stay on the mountain when jesus went in to the clouds, they were able to gaze on the glory of God, but then had to return to life."
when i heard her say those words, i didn't give much to them, but i've come to realize just how hard life is, and how amazing it is that we even survive it. nothing but the grace of God there.
i'm constantly trying things, the little story i wrote was an attempt to break out of rigid mathematical thought patterns, and all i found was that i was using math and logic to figure out what would be unexpected in that story. i'm gonna continue to write those stories out though, and see if i can get freedom there, but i'm doubtful about it.
but man... tomorrow's Good Friday, that's exciting.