waiting.

modelled after beckett
leston: good morrow sir!
verasted: have we met?
leston: you know how things are.
verasted: i do (pause.)
leston: what are you doing here?
verasted: oh, the usual. you?
leston: what else?
verasted: he's never let us down, has he?
leston: who?
verasted: (looks expectantly.)
leston: ah yes, no, he hasn't i suppose...
verasted: suppose?
leston: suppose.
verasted: lacking in faith today?
leston: no less than usual. he's late.
verasted: by whose clock? (pause.) yours?
leston: i don't use clocks.
verasted: then how do you know he's late?
leston: i don't.
verasted: but you just said -
leston: i know what i just said!
(pause.)
verasted: when has he not showed up?
leston: i don't remember.
(pause.) (leston begins to pace.)
verasted: would you stop that!
leston: what?
verasted: the pacing!
leston: why?
verasted: it makes me nervous.
leston: nervous of what?
verasted: that he might not show up.
leston: you too now?
verasted: no. (pause.) he will arrive.
leston: how do you know?
verasted: he always does. you remember.
leston: but what about today?
verasted: what about today?
leston: do you think today he will?
verasted: how is today any different?
leston: it feels different.
verasted: you say that every day.
leston: i do?
verasted: yes!
leston: do not!
verasted: do too!
leston: do not!
verasted: do too!
leston: do not!
verasted: do too!
leston: do not!
verasted: do too!
leston: do not!
verasted: do too!
leston: do not!
verasted: do not!
leston: do too!
see?
leston: damn.
verasted: even you agree.
leston: that wasn't fair.
verasted: what in this place is fair?
leston: not much.
verasted: i'd go far as saying nothing.
leston: i can't stand it.
verasted: i'm quite content.
leston: how can you be?
verasted: i know that each day he comes the same.
leston: he'll never come.
verasted: pessimist.
leston: oh, shut up.
verasted: i will do no such thing.
leston: won't you?
verasted: no. not until this is settled.
leston: until what is settled?
verasted: this.
leston: what?
verasted: this discussion.
leston: you mean this argument?
verasted: okay.
leston: what's left to settle?
verasted: when he's coming.
leston: never.
verasted: today. he always does.
leston: oh, please. next topic.
verasted: justice.
leston: is it fair?
verasted: is what?
leston: this.
verasted: yes!
leston: i don't think so.
verasted: why not?
leston: look at us.
verasted: yes?
leston: this is just?
verasted: yes!
leston: yes?
verasted: what more could you expect?
leston: a lot more!
verasted: really?
leston: yes.
verasted: what is the injustice here?
leston: is it just that each morrow we stand here in this dark waiting and waiting for someone who for all we know will never come?
verasted: i've never looked at it from that perspective.
leston: you haven't?
verasted: no.
leston: how?
verasted: i've never wanted. each day i've all i need.
leston: is that living?
verasted: i'd say so.
leston: are you happy?
verasted: i've no sadness, i must be.
leston: what about me?
verasted: yes?
leston: i'm not.
verasted: you worry too much. that's why.
leston: what do you mean?
verasted: i trust that every day, he'll come and fill my need.
leston: your point?
verasted: every day you doubt, and wind up in a panic. it's very unpleasant.
leston: did you just call me unpleasant?
verasted: not directly.
leston: you insolent washing bag!
verasted: that's not very pleasant, is it?
leston: i'd suppose not. (pause.)
verasted: have you ever noticed how all people leaving a grocery store look homeless?
leston: no?
verasted: do you see their home?
leston: no.
verasted: see?
leston: not really. (pause.)
verasted: you're homeless! that's why you aren't happy.
leston: i am not homeless!
verasted: where is your home?
leston: i, i, am homeless. (pause.) but so are you!
verasted: how do you know?
leston: i don't see your home.
verasted: are the people leaving the grocery store all homeless?
leston: you just said -
verasted: i said they look homeless, you just can't see their homes.
leston: and?
verasted: you can't see my home from here. but that doesn't mean it ceases to be.
leston: where is it?
verasted: with him.
leston: who?
verasted: the one we're waiting for.
leston: you mean the one you're waiting for.
verasted: what happened to you?
leston: i stopped waiting a while ago.
verasted: what are you doing then?
leston: standing.
verasted: he is coming you know...
leston: no.
verasted: we've been over this too much.
leston: you should take a nap.
verasted: i might miss him.
leston: you won't.
verasted: oh please...
leston: yes?
verasted: what?
leston: you said "please" so i replied.
verasted: don't be so smart.
leston: i was being helpful.
verasted: you were not.
leston: now who's distrustful?
verasted: you're such a child.
leston: enough with the name-calling.
verasted: don't boss me around!
leston: what would he say if he came right now?
verasted: nothing. he would shoot you.
leston: that doesn't sound like him at all!
verasted: sorry, i was talking about what i would do.
leston: you want to shoot me?
verasted: yes.
leston: that's not nice.
verasted: wait... what you just said?
leston: the "not nice" comment?
verasted: no, the part about him coming.
leston: what about it?
verasted: you think he's coming?
leston: oh please...
verasted: yes?
leston: (slaps verasted.) don't mock me. (both stomp away from each other.) (pause.) I'm sorry, i can't stand it anymore.
verasted: what?
leston: i missed you.
verasted: oh, okay.
leston: did you?
verasted: what?
leston: miss me?
verasted: i guess.
leston: i guess?
verasted: a little.
leston: oh.
(blackout)
(lights up, both asleep.)
verasted: no!
leston: what?! what?!
verasted: we fell asleep.
leston: yes. isn't it great?
verasted: no! we missed him!
leston: what? (still drowsy.)
verasted: he came, we were asleep and he left.
leston: how do you know?
(pause.)
verasted: uh....the footprints! those weren't here before!
leston: that doesn't prove anything.
verasted: yes it does!
leston: you could have sleepwalked.
verasted: have i sleepwalked before?
leston: you could have.
verasted: have i?
leston: i don't know! i don't watch you sleep!
verasted: i'm glad.
leston: what's that supposed to mean?
verasted: never mind.
leston: don't never mind me!
verasted: all it meant was that i'm glad you don't sit and stare at me whilst i sleep.
leston: oh, okay. (pause.) hm.
verasted: yes?
leston: oh, nothing, just thinking.
verasted: what about?
leston: would you say we're friends?
verasted: i don't know.
leston: i've never thought about it.
verasted: me neither.
leston: do i really need a friend?
verasted: do i?
leston: i thought you had all you need?
verasted: i do. (pause.) so if i do need a friend then i already have one.
leston: i don't follow.
verasted: well, if i need a friend, then yes, we are friends. but if i don't need one, then we aren't friends.
leston: then what would we be?
verasted: indifferents.
leston: oh, that's wierd.
verasted: no more than everything else.
leston: true.
(long pause.)
verasted: why are you still here?
leston: i don't really know.
verasted: are you waiting?
leston: no. i hate waiting.
verasted: why?
leston: it's a waste of time.
verasted: what are you doing right now?
leston: standing.
verasted: is that a better use?
leston: no.
verasted: then why not wait?
leston: because he'll never come.
verasted: i tell you, he will.
leston: i'd rather stand.
verasted: you could do both.
leston: i don't like multitasking.
verasted: really, it's quite easy. (pause.) i'm doing it now.
leston: i'm lazy.
verasted: that's a problem.
leston: i know.
verasted: are you going to fix it?
leston: what?
verasted: your problem.
leston: no.
verasted: why?
leston: too much effort.
verasted: oh.
(pause.)
leston: i think i shall leave.
verasted: what?
leston: i am going to leave.
verasted: why?
leston: i'm not doing anything here.
verasted: stay and wait.
leston: i already told you i won't.
verasted: where are you going to go?
leston: somewhere, other than here.
verasted: and leave me?
leston: yes (pause.) unless you come along.
verasted: i can't.
leston: why not?
verasted: i have to wait.
leston: for what?
verasted: for him.
leston: you know he won't come.
verasted: he is coming.
leston: let him wait.
verasted: no.
leston: why not?
verasted: he's done so much already.
leston: has he?
verasted: i'm alive. and i'm fed.
leston: don't you want more?
verasted: he's given me all i want.
leston: can't you fathom more?
verasted: certainly, but had i more, i would be more unhappy.
leston: how do you suppose that?
verasted: look at you. you want more, and as a result, are more unhappy.
leston: i see that, but what if you had more?
verasted: i'd probably still want more.
leston: what if you had everything like him?
verasted: that's for him only.
leston: but what if?
verasted: things would probably fall apart.
leston: aren't they already?
verasted: where?
leston: here!
verasted: we do this every day.
leston: you have a point.
verasted: are you going?
leston: do i ever?
verasted: good point.
(lights raise to blinding proportion.)
verasted: i told you!
(blackout.)

immeuble

grey cloud painted skies;
concrete towers eclipsing light.



ignorance, apathy, blindness.





"nothing to be done."

pause. pause.




existentialism -


___no purpose?

______self created purpose?


no.


injustice:

homes, bikes, mom, dad, sister. maids, cars, trucks, tim hortons. shoes, rollerskates, teachers, friends.


no fair.

thoughts

my thoughts are scattered right now.

my friend led worship the other night. it was inspiring seeing someone who has been through so much leading worship, and still choosing to love jesus, and taking comfort in his love.

i want to go to cambodia or thailand, there is a starbucks in the neighbourhood i like, and i could work there if i desired. that would be nice.

the youthbuilders are in my prayers, i love them all a lot. i think we should be friends with each other. i'd like that.

i think i'll move to beasley. it's a lovely place. it will be fun.

the meeting house has been good to me. i grew up there. i love all the people there. gareth ate a fish. sinner.

my eyes are very close to closing and i have to wake up at 430 in the morning for work. that's very early. oh well, there's coffee waiting for me at work.

fields of mudan was a very disturbing film. watch only if willing to feel moved into action.

i've lost touch with a lot of people. i'm sorry for that, ask me for coffee. i have a lot.

i need to sleep now. i love you all.

mitchell