how many are my transgressions against you?
how many more times will i return to your temple asking forgiveness?
when will it cease?
will i repent then turn and sin again?
father forgive me my sins,
forgive my disobedience.
why choose death when i may have life?
where is the logic in my decisions?
i've been impatient, i've schemed and planned.
i've not obeyed You, i've ignored your Voice.
oh Lord how can you love a man like me?
when will i wait for you? when will i listen to your promises?
when will i hear Your Voice and obey?
i sleep with bathsheba
and kill uriah,
but do not worship You.
my child dies from my disobedience,
and i do not exalt You.
where is my repentance? where is my heart?
oh that my heart would be as your servant David's
that when i sin, i do not continue in laziness.
that when trial and punishment comes
i would fast, pray, seek and worship You.
that my first response would be exaltation.
oh how i desire to cast off all complacency!
You say "I will come."
but i do not wait,
You say "wait for Me"
and i make plans.
give me an obedient heart, Father.
i repent of my laziness,
of my complacency.
oh Lord, i will turn from my wicked ways,
i will turn from my laziness, from my complacency.
i will seek you and let you change me.
do not allow me to go on like this.
no more false repentance, no more laziness.
i tear down my idols, i fast, and i pray.
this is my repentance:
not sacrifice, not empty words -
but real fasting, real obedience
for i know that You father,
do not desire sacrifice and burnt offerings,
You do not desire a whitewash of 'praise'
You have no desire for pretty things.
may all my offerings, words, and actions bring forth a river of righteousness,
this is my offering to You Father, my obedience, and acknowledgement.