Saturday, May 31, 2008

pathetic fallacy

this weekend has been a pretty rough weekend for me, i've been pretty drained by everything going on, but it has allowed jesus to shine brighter than ever in my life.

on thursday one of my favourite guys in this world lost his dad to a work accident. this hit me like a ton of bricks. i had hung out with him and his dad on wednesday and then on friday i get a call saying what's happened.

i hung out with them on friday, and it was one of the most pain-filled times i've experienced. i love that family so much, it hurt to see them like that, and steve's absence was felt greatly.

afterwards it really sunk in, that same friday my mom had a pretty scary episode, and everything seemed very dark. but at the same time i knew there was no darkness. i was constantly aware of a very bright light around me and in me, but it was temporarily clouded.

since thursday we've been having some rough rain, and this morning at my starbucks i had one of the rockiest shifts yet. i was all over the place, not realizing i was working.

then i hung out with my friend chris - a great example of God's love - and i was not at all with it. i was very down, and very quiet (unusual for me). as i drove him home a great wall of water fell from the sky deafening me by the sound of it's crashes. the entire time i was praying for it to leave, and i kept praying that it would leave and let me get home. i turned right on to trafalger to go on to the 407, and suddenly as i got on to the 407 the rain stopped, and i looked over from the ramp. there i saw a great black cloud and below it a huge stream of water falling to the ground, and then above me a great white cloud with the sun peaking out from it.

by this i knew my jesus was with me, i knew that he would care for all of his children.

my favourite plot device to point out is pathetic fallacy. today in the weather, by the light, i knew jesus was with me, i knew he was reminding me that no matter what, He is brighter than any light i've seen. no darkness can win.

Sunday, May 25, 2008


joy is a wonderful thing.

i praise God for it is something he has blessed me with greatly.

some of you might not know but my family is going through a very rough time with my mom. she's not very well. and in this time, jesus has showed up, everywhere.

i am not a happy person, i am not a loving person. and before i knew jesus, i could have never imagined that humans ever had or could have such a capacity for joy. i never knew that i could love in such a way that i care for others, even when it means losing something. i never knew that submission could bring joy, that sweating and bleeding for someone other than yourself could be joy-filled.

jesus is joy, jesus is love, jesus is grace, jesus is everything that is good.

thomas merton gives the idea that just as darkness is the absence of light, so evil is the absence of good, evil is the absence of God. so sin is the absence of good, the absence of God.

i was empty, jesus filled me. i was without joy, without joy, i was angry, i was selfish. jesus filled me.

in my time of need, in my time of pain, and in the pain of my family jesus has brought unity, brought joy, brought friendship. and even though i fail my family sometimes, and even though i cry sometimes, it is only by God's grace, by his amazing love that i can experience great joy, and join in the procession to the temple rejoicing if only for the fact that i am alive, rejoicing that i am loved.

i am loved, i have the joy, jesus is. let us rejoice.

thank you for all your love, and for all those that shine your love in my life.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

life is true

as i went in to the weekend, not really looking forward to a long weekend, i had no idea what i was in for.

i went to the movies twice on friday, and saw prince caspian twice.
beautiful, moving, and very encouraging.

i spent all saturday resting, and hanging out with my family, which was a great change of pace.

then sunday, one of the highlights of my week, i went to church.

at the 8 am service we always have the same group, the same friends, and it's great to really get to know them in a setting of 10 or so people. we talked for a solid 40 minutes about our week, and a LOT about prince caspian, and then of course the lesson. but then something else, we started throwing a football around and laughing while we kept listening to this is home over and over again.

then my friend liam looks at me and says some of the most grace-filled words i've ever heard:

"you know what i think?
i think life is really great."

Friday, May 16, 2008


i am a weak, weak person. this i have realized from many failures, many bad decisions, and as a result - i crave power.

this is one of my many weaknesses, that in my weakness i am easily seduced by the thought of being powerful.

today i watched as peter (in the chronicles of narnia) decided to go out and attack the human's fortress.

as he made this decision lucy made the haunting remark:
"have you forgotten who defeated the white witch?"

peter made what felt to be the power-full decision.

i have felt this 'power' and that is where my weakness lies.

when i move too quickly, when i try to go out on my own, when i see opportunities to look good, when i push the gas pedal extra hard, when i show off, when i misuse my gifts, when i take up the sword, or shout, or point out someones flaws, when i play with fire, and when i destroy things without care: i feel powerful.

the rush i feel is pleasure, is excitement, and it's exhilarating, and seductive.

and that's a lie, that's deception
that's no truth.

as a jesus lover, my most basic belief is this: that Jesus is Lord.

and when i believe that i acknowledge that i have no power, i acknowledge that before He found me i was a lonely and paralyzed sheep bleating in the wilderness for a master to come and let me move again.

when i play with fire, when i shoot a spark that ignites a flame that burns and burns and burns, i feel powerful - when really i'm not. for what power would i have over that spark, over that fire if there were no creator involved? what power do i have? it was the Lord who gave life to the spark. i have no power.

it's all a lie, it's all deception.

that 'power' i feel, that rush that i feel is NOT power, it is a deception.

to try and take power that i have never had is to deny that Jesus is Lord, that Jesus is ruler over all creation.

when peter went out to fight he forgot who won his battles, much like i could write forgetting who gave me words, much like anyone could forget who gave them breath.

"have you forgotten who defeated the white witch?"

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


i've heard it said a lot "you are loved"

i've heard "you ARE loved" "you are LOVED" "YOU are loved" "YOU are LOVED" and even "YOU ARE LOVED" by the more zealous types...

and it seems repetitive and sometimes even a bit boring, unless you know just how incredible those words are.

every human action is looking for love, somehow.

if i try to make someone laugh to encourage, i am acting out of jesus
if i try to make someone laugh to feel good, i am seeking attention, seeking love

i can spend an entire day in a farm doing manual labour, and be seeking love, if i try to please someone, to get good feelings.

if i feel jealous, and act out of jealousy, it's because i am unfulfilled, and i'm looking for love, even if it seems i'm looking for what my friend has.

as long as i'm looking for love, somehow, even if it's a nagging insecurity, i need to hear those words.

as long as i have worries about tomorrow, about who i'm going to see, if my friend will cancel on me, i don't get it.

as long as i'm trying to be someone i'm not, even in the most miniscule way, i NEED to hear the words "you ARE LOVED"

when i realized i am loved, joy abounds, worry fades, friendships prosper - because i'm no longer trying

and when i know i'm loved no action, emotion, worry, or thing can cause me to act outside of love

Thursday, May 8, 2008

my home

all my life i have searched, and hunted, and tried to find a place called home, a place to be loved, and all my actions were spent seeking that place - that love.

my house is not my home, and neither is any building.
my friends have never showed me home, and neither does my heart offer any home.

i am an incomplete person - by myself.

when the pharisees asked jesus what the kingdom of heaven looked like he told the story of a young man who asks his father for his inheritance:

the young man goes to his father and asks for his inheritance, and so his father complies, and the young man leaves home and goes to the city and spends his inheritance on prostitutes and crazy parties. when his money runs out and he finds himself broke, and without food, he realizes the pigs he's feeding have a better life than him. he leaves his job, and decides to go back to his father and ask to be a slave. when his father sees him he runs out to meet him, and invites him back to the house for a great celebration.

when i was searching for a home, i was seeking love, and i found no love in others, or in any building.

i was looking for a father to embrace me and show me home. and when i was eight and accepted jesus, i caught an 8-year-old's glimpse of that home, and when i had some kind of spiritual experience on retreat throughout my youth i also caught brief glimpses of my home, but none of it stuck because i wasn't aware of what i was experiencing.

knowing God is going home.

the reason i never felt at home all around me, the reason i experienced such loneliness all throughout my teenage years was because i wasn't home. i wasn't where i belong because of one thing: heaven is my home, and i have been taken away from that place by a nasty thing called sin - the very thing that builds walls to keep me from my home.

and seeing this my jesus died to bring me home, and show me the kingdom of God can live in my heart.

my name is love

the most recent book i'm reading is the source of many of my ideas.

i am no longer mitchell, that happened a long time ago when i started following jesus.

when i started following jesus, his spirit started living in the new me - Him. as a result, i became Him, and He lived in me. and He is love, so i am Love.

that means that my true nature is love, and only love, no resentment. thinking about law, thinking about morality, and thinking about rules, and rigid religious traditions seems almost alien in the light of the name Love, because all those will be fulfilled by the incredible nature of love i find in my new self.

its not that they are no longer needed, but they should be fulfilled by the new life in me.

in the words of romeo "call me love and i will forsake my name and be new baptiz'd"

Sunday, May 4, 2008

lover of light

so lately i've been realizing something. mainly through a book i'm reading by thomas merton.

through this book, and through another book by a woman named doreen irvine, i've come to realize that most of humanity has a preoccupation with darkness, and all things negative. if i'm talking with someone, i've realized, i'm generally more interested in what's wrong, and what's frustrating than with what's good with their life. if i talk with someone more than likely, we talk about problems with the world, problems with our lives, sin, struggles, not what we're good at, and what God's blessed us with.

"those who live by the spirit have their minds set on what the spirit desires"

that's a quote from romans 8, one of my favourite chapters of the bible. what does the spirit desire? purity? love? grace, peace, light, joy? how often do we say "wow, God has blessed me with _____, ______, and ____"? not often do we have whole conversations about what our gifts are, and what God has given us. although, i think that would be more in line with what God asks of us.

"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things"

when i started aspiring to be a lover of the light, i realized how interested i was in the bad, the shortcomings, the sins of others and of myself. but i've realized to look at the light isn't naiive, it's a virtue of God.

he has decided to look at the good in us, the praiseworthy things, and yet i still look at the darkness and sin.

i want to love light. and that is my prayer, that i might call myself a lover of the light, and set my mind on such things.

Friday, May 2, 2008

angry people

lately, i just haven't had the urge to blog, not that i haven't had much to say, just i haven't had much to offer.

that hasn't been good, but i've learned a lot.

something that's been bothering me lately is this: angry jesus lovers

not raging furies, or throwing objects, just people that seem frustrated, and don't know what to do with themselves. i hear them talk about ministries they don't like (guilty), people that don't seem to be following jesus the way they are (guilty at some point - and on another note: who knows how to follow jesus properly? not me), injustice (and not in a "i have something to offer" way).

on another note: i used to be a really angry person, jesus helped me through that, showed me peace, and showed me life, the only thing that really angers me is other peoples anger. it's something i have to work on.

it all seems wierd.

when people get all uptight, frustrated, and angry about injustice, and react with anger it doesn't seem to be the right response.

to get angry about a lack of peace to bring about more peace seems kind of dumb.
on the side of a starbucks cup is written "anger is contagious"

with that being said, will an angry reaction to calm a situation really do anything?
will angry words about injustice cause it to stop?

my interpretation of the bible was that jesus came to bring grace, peace, love and hope to the world, and then, in the ultimate act of love, he shed his blood. this was the redemption of all things.

his solution was not an angry one, was not a frustrated reaction, or outburst of words about what is wrong, but rather a laying down of his life to show love, and bring grace, peace, and hope to the world.

the solution to injustice will never be talking angrily about how wrong things are, it will never be getting angry.

it will be the kind of dedication to justice wherein we find ourselves so in tune with jesus that we are willing to lay down our lives for those in darkness - out of love.

that is shining. be at peace.