on the topic of...

today, i was driving through a little town named alberton reflecting on my life. suddenly i had an epiphany.

in my earlier years, i wrestled greatly with the concepts of karma and providence.

to clarify:
- karma is the idea that "what goes around, comes around"
- providence is God's diving justice, although it's connotation (street meaning) generally boils down to "when we do bad, God punishes us" and vice versa.


those two thoughts have caused me a great deal of pain.

i used to worry a lot. i would fret about everything. the issue for me was this: if i do something bad, then in theory that bad will come back to me by some divine justice. as a result whenever i messed up i would spend the rest of the week waiting for something bad to happen.

that is a waste of life.

all i felt were pain, stress, worry, anxiety and worst of all guilt.


i believe God's in complete control of my life, and everything around me. as a screwup, that's a comforting thought. since grade 11 i haven't really had to think much about divine justice, but until earlier today it wasn't nearly as clear to me why i disagree with it.

here's some rhetoric for you: if i believe God is in control of what goes on in my life, nothing i do will get in the way of what God intends to happen in my life. as a result nothing in my life will make God go "whoa!". my point: nothing bad can happen in my life that will interfere with God's plan.


it would be proud to think we can control what good and bad things happen to us by what we do.

today when i realized that, a weight was lifted off of my shoulders.