climbing trees

i don't think christians have enough fun. our fear of God, and our fasting, solitude, and "humility" preclude the possibility of delight and celebration being worship.

our distorted worldview causes us to think - i realize not always, but quite often - that if it's fun it must be irresponsible, or a poor stewardship of time.

this isn't the Father's heart. my God's never been boring.

the phrase "pure fun" has too long been used to refer to playing board games in a church basement on a saturday night while not eating too much junk food because that could rot your teeth.

when my dad gives me a present his greatest delight is to see me enjoy it.

my dad isn't perfect but i believe that he fathers because he's made in the image of the Father and His characteristics shine through in him even though they may be dim sometimes.

if my imperfect father delights in my delight doesn't that mean something for my heavenly Father?

God gives us life and everything past that. solomon writes in ecclesiastes about a man who is given everything he wants by God but never enjoys it. this - he says - is meaningless. (ecclesiastes 6.2)

christians believe God gave us life, and God gave us creation. he wasn't creating an army of slaves, but a creation he wanted to adopt as children. jesus' coming accomplished our adoption and now our hope is for jesus' return.

God created children to enjoy their enjoyment and delight in their delight.

colin gunton writes that every action we take either impedes or anticipates the perfection of all things.

the christian life is meant to anticipate and live the kingdom of God now.

the kingdom of God isn't heaven - heaven's a temporary place and will fade away with this earth - and in God's kingdom we won't spend eternity singing and dancing, we'll live lives similar to now, but perfect, and equal. always joyful, always peaceful, no hurt, no pain or sadness.

our worship is bringing and anticipating this kingdom now.

if joy and enjoyment are in the kingdom of God doesn't that mean we anticipate the kingdom when we enjoy - when we have fun? isn't worship bringing a smile to God's face? doing what delights our Father?

this creation isn't a throw-away piece to God, treating it well is good, so is enjoying it.

we need to have worship services climbing trees and jumping fences.

our God, our Father delights in our enjoyment of the creation and life he's given us. He loves food-fights - "isn't that wasteful? what about kid's in africa?"

a) it'll be moldy when it gets to them.
b) what were jesus words to judas when he condemned the sinner for pouring a year's wages on jesus' feet? "this is a beautiful offering."

a food fight can be an offering to God, he doesn't condemn food fights, nor should we.

there will be nothing boring in eternity, and i don't think there will be many serious faces.

i wrote this really roughly and i probably didn't articulate it as well as i could have with more work, but i need to write this for myself to worship more in my delight.

please, upon reading this if you're near a body of water jump in it; if you're near a muddy pit, roll in it; and if you have a cake in your fridge eat it with your hands. blast soulja boy and dance - ignore the bad lyrics and don't be a pharisee.

if i've said anything potentially offensive or theologically incorrect get the principle behind the precept: enjoy life as your worship to God, don't be condemning or a pharisee.

ontological crisis perhaps?

i question things a lot, i think it's one of my best gifts - but it's can also be a curse.

i have a lot of questions:

who am i? what am i supposed to be doing? where am i supposed to be?

am i in the exact right place at the right moment right now? or should i be writing my homiletics assignment due two days ago? should i be living in dundas? am i giving every free moment to time with God and serving the really needy? does God want me to love and give my time only to those i like - like i'm doing lately?

i don't think i'm successful yet. i'm certainly gifted and brilliant (this is honest, not proud). but i'm not using my gifts and critical thinking skills for what i would call radical abandoned service.

also, i'm being trained to be a church pastor. i get to read lots of nice books, and hear lots of nice speakers. i don't know if it's really meaningful at all. yes knowledge is good, and it can help me. but everything that's happening will one person be changed permanently - that really needs to be changed? or will a bunch of nice christians get some nice knowledge that makes them feel better about their complacent, meaningless existence that seems to be aimed towards receiving more meaningless dvds and fun times with friends?

i don't think i'm angry, and i don't think i'm too harsh. last night i saw the i-heart movie. it was nice, i got to watch a bunch of christians travel around africa and quote people that changed the world. i don't know what the goal was. all i saw was christian tourism on a big screen providing christian entertainment. what's the purpose of all this?

why the big crowds? why big shows? i think God enjoys them - i hope he does. i think there's some purpose. i know Jesus addressed big crowds. but he spoke to those who had ears to hear. not the hard-hearted.

peter also addressed big crowds, and so did philip...and those crowds were changed. but were they ready? i think they were ready to listen and to hear what they needed to hear.

i know we're called to make disciples - but for some reason we don't have the humility to spend all our time with 4-5 people whose lives we could change if we poured in to them. why? i think the honest answer is because no one will see how good a christian we are.

i don't know if i can attend anymore of those meetings and keep my sanity. and more than that, i don't know if i can speak at those meetings. consumer christianity is very meaningless. we're trying to feel better about our meaningless and useless lives by hearing a speaker preach something 'encouraging'. i think we'd be more encouraged if we served wholeheartedly for God.

i'm speaking as someone that doesn't do that. i know when i do - even for a moment - serve selflessly i'm changed.

i can't live in a nice suburban neighborhood and love practically the people i like to be around anymore. and i can't make my aspiration to be a leader in a cute church with nice coloured walls that puts on a good show for useless believers. yes i said useless, and i hope we're all offended.

we need to ask: what is this accomplishing? why are we meeting? is this making a difference? why am i doing this?

if the answer is "to make us feel good" i think it's useless. we don't need more placebo church experiences. i'm so tired of cute prophetic words of encouragement sunday mornings. if paul came to the church today i don't think he'd say "good music, great powerpoint presentation, and good exegesis" i think he'd say "what about them outside here?"

i don't know if i'm right, and don't take me too seriously because i'm venting. i know i'm challenged right now and i'm tired of services and christians encouraging each other with affirming words that say "you're alright, you're good". we're not good right now if we're spending all our time going to church. i don't think any christian can call themselves a christ-follower if all their free time is in a church building. i want to use expletives right now. don't get me wrong i love jesus, but i don't love the state of my life and anyone's life who is similar to me. i think i live too happy of a life with too much chaff.

i know i don't suffer to help people enough. don't worry i'm in the process of changing this.

recognition

why do i look for recognition?
why do i love more when i think there's a higher chance it will be noticed?

suffering/love

recently when i've been praying and journaling about suffering and love.

i hear too frequently people leaving relationships that become difficult, or that have the potential to hurt them. yes, there are times to leave relationships - if they're abusive, or leading you in to a bad lifestyle - but otherwise i don't believe it's right to leave.

the worldly view is "get out before i get hurt" but i don't think it's biblical to apply that in our relationships. if Jesus left relationships before they hurt Him i would not have a relationship with Him.

Jesus didn't avoid pain in relationships, he didn't protect himself or stay guarded. he withdrew to pray, but never held back or distanced himself.

we're called to love as Jesus loved. this means loving without protective barriers, loving not from a distance, but right there in close relationship, and enduring ungratefulness and rejection without complaining. you will be hurt, and you will hurt, that's part of being broken, and living in post-fall culture. Jesus did it all, let's stop making excuses, i do it all the time. i love the people i enjoy, and even when i'm helping with youth i love on the people i like to love.

i need to, and we need to love people that will inevitably hurt us with the full knowledge this will happen - Jesus did it (look at Him loving peter and judas) - this is part of our calling. it's vulnerable, it's crappy, it's hard, and goes against everything we feel inside.

right now it's trendy to say things like "love the hard to love" or "love the least of these", it even sounds romantic (romantic as in cool and classy not "let's date") to talk about loving through pain and hurt, but it's not fun, and it's not something easy to do. Jesus prayed that the same love the Father had for Him would be in us, and i think we'll need that if we're gonna get even close to living it out. i need to pray for that. i need that love to help me. i can't even love the like-able ones without God.

i'm rambling on now, but i think it was mother theresa that said "love until it hurts, then love some more." she was just echoing Jesus, but i think she makes a good point.

gonna leave it there. love.

some thoughts on extremes and tensions

here are a few things i've been thinking about, i'm not finished this blog, and i'm not finished thinking and praying about my thoughts. i'm just trying to reconcile some different views, and i feel like it's important not to become too opinionated and argumentative. being 'strongly opinionated' too frequently produces an angry person separated from God by their anger. and that's not cool.

i myself am just bouncing ideas around in my head, i'm not even sure where i'm headed with these thoughts.

first thought i have:
neighborhood church
i like the local church, i like being a part of a neighborhood community, and having my church in that community. it's really significant. going 40 minutes to church seems kind of silly...look who's talking here.

second thought:
big church/house church
i hear a lot of debates and conversations about big churches with big sound and big lights. either people are saying they wish they had that at their church, or they are arguing against it. (the argument usually sounds like "we should be giving that money to the poor!", i think that's just a cover-up and that they may just enjoy being critical) people arguing against big churches, and satellite churches prefer the home-church and meet in basement style meetings with mellow acoustic or even taize style worship. that's cool, and yes, that's the way the first church used to meet, but they also had big worship meetings, and peter, phillip and all those dudes also frequented meetings with a few thousand worshipers. when Jesus came in to the city people had all kinds of expensive oils, waved palm branches and made a big scene. i think lights and sound can be very similar in the worship gathering to waving palm branches and pouring out expensive oils. yes these meetings weren't as frequent as the house-church meetings but i think they're still important in one's worship lifestyle.

third thought
leadership: education vs ordinary pastor/elder?
peter and john are referred to as 'idiots' by roman leaders, but they speak with the power of God, often we make potential leaders go through years of school, but these fishermen, and many other leaders in the early church were selected based on their willingness to serve. on the flipside, a lot of people (myself even at one point) look at this and rebel against the system and try to avoid education saying "i don't need an education to serve God". they're right, they don't, but my thought on this subject is that if you have a capacity (mental, or financial) to get an education God can use that even more. paul was a great choice on God's part, because he had a solid hebrew education and that enabled him to write the epistles with such a strong voice.

fourth thought
evangelism
we either go super confrontational and in your face (which is sometimes necessary) or we love in to relationship and give space. let's not ignore the Spirit's role, and let's realize that different people have different needs. it's dangerous when we give too much space, or are too open-ended, and it's just as dangerous to be in-your-face making noise, and not listening to God about the person's needs.

cheap jokes

its not too often that i feel like writing anything close to a rant, and i don't really appreciate the emotions behind ranting - i don't think they're wholesome. emotional build-ups frequently lead to rash decisions, and bad choices, but i'm gonna go on for a bit:

tonight a movie came on while we were with a bunch of people - and a girl that i now really admire had the boldness to question if it was something healthy, and wholesome to watch.

the movie had a young guy selling expensive drugs to all his friends, and the main punchline of the jokes were the ridiculous, and outrageous side effects and symptoms that the kids experienced when they took the drugs.

this isn't funny - people high and on drugs, relying on an external substance to fix inner problems, taking up crutches, isn't funny.

similarly out of a bad place of neediness too often jokes come out - cheap jokes - that cost nothing less than a few words, and a bad mind come out. jokes about sex, jokes about 'your mom', jokes about any kind of sin, or depravity - pedophilia - are not funny. they are cheap, costless and destroy our minds.

i challenge you to pick jokes without any guilt attached, it takes a lot of work, and it takes a lot of conviction - and i mess up, i'll go cheap sometimes, but convict me, catch me.

cheap grace happens when we don't give our whole lives to jesus. he says follow me - leave you're dead behind, follow me.

similarly cheap jokes happen when we try and hold on to a worldly tongue. get rid of it. rebuke it, break it off, whatever. we're called to holiness, nothing less.

my heart

i'm gonna tell you my heart right now:

i have no idea why i follow my Father 

and

i have no idea why my Father loves me

yes i am well aware of the theology, and scriptures behind the Father's love. and i'm not having a crisis of faith - the problem is that i can't help but believe. 

i know my history with my Father, and i know the whole story of my testimony - deliverance from paralyzing fear, and crippling insecurity. i've tasted and seen, i've experienced joy and peace beyond measure - experiences that can't be called anything but supernatural.

why have i been given this faith? why have i been given the heart to call on Him in every trial? why am i forced - yes forced! - to cry out, scream and worship Him in all my circumstances? why was i given this heart to see Him exalted? sometimes i want an ignorant life Father! 

today i resonate with the cries of king David who lamented psalm 88 crying out "are your miracles only in the darkness, do you show your wonders to the dead? you Lord have put me in the lowest pit, and yet day and night i lift my hands to you, i exalt your name - but you do not answer. have you rejected Your servant? Father? do you hide Your face from me?"

David wasn't having a crisis of faith, he didn't have bad theology, and he wasn't a depressed man.

i'm scared because God wants us all to have a heart like David - that says "i want nothing less than the Kingdom of God now. justice to all, and holiness in all." and this is foreign to the world - our (Father's) wisdom being called foolishness.

we are called fools by our families, and friends, we are aliens in our homes. the world rejects His servants. 

and so reconciling my thoughts, what scares me is that i have a life ahead of me experiencing that kind of oppression and rejection - even among those who love Jesus. it's not something i'm excited about, and its not something i would turn away from - but i don't eagerly anticipate my suffering, or my rejection. 

i pray for peace, knowing it will come, and i draw strength knowing it's there. and i acknowledge i need saving, every minute. every second i need my Father's grace - not because i'm a sinner, not because i'm evil, but because without His Spirit i am both of those things. 

i have no idea what i wrote above here. thanks.

i'm heading out

oh Lord, 

how many are my transgressions against you?

how many more times will i return to your temple asking forgiveness?

when will it cease? 

will i repent then turn and sin again? 

father forgive me my sins,

forgive my disobedience. 

why choose death when i may have life? 

where is the logic in my decisions?

i've been impatient, i've schemed and planned.

i've not obeyed You, i've ignored your Voice.

oh Lord how can you love a man like me?

when will i wait for you? when will i listen to your promises?

when will i hear Your Voice and obey?

i sleep with bathsheba

and kill uriah, 

but do not worship You.

my child dies from my disobedience,

and i do not exalt You.

where is my repentance? where is my heart?

oh that my heart would be as your servant David's

that when i sin, i do not continue in laziness.

that when trial and punishment comes

i would fast, pray, seek and worship You.

that my first response would be exaltation.

oh how i desire to cast off all complacency!

You say "I will come."

but i do not wait,

You say "wait for Me"

and i make plans.

give me an obedient heart, Father.

i repent of my laziness,

of my complacency.

oh Lord, i will turn from my wicked ways,

i will turn from my laziness, from my complacency.

i will seek you and let you change me.

do not allow me to go on like this.

no more false repentance, no more laziness.

i tear down my idols, i fast, and i pray.

this is my repentance:

not sacrifice, not empty words -

but real fasting, real obedience

acknowledgment.

for i know that You father, 

do not desire sacrifice and burnt offerings,

You do not desire a whitewash of 'praise'

You have no desire for pretty things.

may all my offerings, words, and actions bring forth a river of righteousness,

this is my offering to You Father, my obedience, and acknowledgement.

holiness and purity

i don't have sex until i'm married

i don't do drugs

i don't get drunk

i don't look at pornography

i don't think bad things about people

i don't swear or gossip

i don't hurt people intentionally

i don't covet others' possessions or lifestyles

i don't steal from my neighbour

i don't worship idols

i don't cheat on my girlfriend, fiance or spouse

this list can go on for a while. an extra significant addition to the list, however, is "i do good". its become really popular these days to, in light of jesus' teaching, change this list around to:

i love God, i love my neighbour, i love myself.

because technically, speaking, i'm not going to do any of these if i really follow that statement. 

everything i wrote up there, is good to follow, and is generally wise council. but often we forget how wonderful it is to actually follow these laws - not out of a burdensome, guilty conscience, but for purity's sake.

this week, i had the wonderful experience of living with a family for four days. this family valued purity, and holiness so much. this value is fruit of the Spirit, but not often do we see it as valuable, something of high esteem, or especially a joy! we need to get ready for God. He's coming soon, and we need to be like a bride, perfect, and beautiful - pure - for the bridegroom (its a fancy word for husband) to come. 

i want to desire what God desires, i want to be shaped by the desires of the Spirit. i want to desire good, in fact, i do desire good. i desire purity, and i desire to live purely and holy. 

we can, and should desire what the Spirit desires, this isn't a lofty goal. we have the Spirit of God living in us, the same Spirit that overcame all temptation. if we live by the Spirit, we desire what the Spirit desires.

remember, we have been called pure, righteous, and holy by Jesus. we're not sinful.

i want to watch what goes in to my mind - i want pure jokes, wholesome television, and movies, and good conversation. i want to be surrounded in goodness, and hearing words, and music that edifies me. 

i will be in worship all day. there will be an open space to talk with my Father all day.

this isn't something new, this isn't a resolution, this is a declaration that purity, holiness, and righteousness - even though they're out of season with this world - are valuable.

if i'm given a clean slate, why would i dirty it up? do i want to continue to repent over and over? or do i want to go deeper, getting to know my Creator? 

all about christmas

if you "don't like christmas" for one of the following reasons, please stop.

i'm just as guilty of feeling these things as you are, but stop.

 - "we have so much...they don't" "its just not fair!" "it's not right"

 - "people are SO materialistic"

 - "christmas is so commercial, seriously..."

 - "i don't have family or friends and i'm lonely" (sometimes translated "i don't like my family or my friends and i'm lonely")

 - "it's so tacky, and the carols never stop"

yes, these are all annoying, but that's all they are. they have no more authority over christmas than an obnoxious guest at a dinner party. 

we celebrate because after thousands of years of sin, and hundreds of years of captivity a son came to earth, who was God, and died for us.

its not about feeling guilty - if you feel there is an injustice being done by you receiving a gift and some other kid in africa not receiving a gift then the other 363 days of the year you should be feeling just as guilty too. this injustice is a daily thing. stop feeling guilty, jesus came. now start moving your life to a more chain-breaking lifestyle.

christmas was the ultimate chain-breaker. injustice ruled over our lives, we were bound by sin, and we were under an evil rule. jesus came and broke sin, and set us free.

thats christmas. rejoice, celebrate, be joyful. 

if you have ever disliked christmas i invite you to let it go. 

after all the mountains

i just finished rereading the last battle (the seventh book of the chronicles of narnia) and i would greatly recommend reading it (again).

if you don't want to know how it ends don't read this. 

anyway, it shot things in to perspective for me. 

all our lives we have these "mountaintop experiences" with God. 

(mountaintop referring to when the disciples were on the mountain and Jesus went up in to the sky with moses and elijah to chill for a bit, then the disciples realized how powerful he was and never wanted to stop worshipping on that mountain)

in these times we get so excited by Gods power, that we are filled with an overflowing love love, and an incomparable joy. 

we never want these times to end.

but like the disciples we have to go back to the world and try and live lives as the citizens of heaven we are.

similarly every time the pevensies (lucy peter and edmund - susan denies her narnian citizenship and loses her inheritance) go to narnia they have their own mountaintop experience with aslan.

but eventually they have to leave and go back to the 'real world' to live according to their citizenship.

the last paragraph of the last battle says that they were all sad and aslan asked them why.

they replied that they thought they would have to go back as usual.

i feel that sentiment a lot on retreats, or at worship gatherings.

then aslan says "there was a train accident...the dream is over the morning is come, your holiday has begun"

thats what i hope for.

i knew i was going to heaven, but i never realized it in that way. one day this world will be like a dream and i will be in the real world, the one we've all been practicing for. the world where there will be no more tears, and we will not be able to feel pain. that abundant love and joy we feel in worship will be the only thing we can ever experience, and as cs lewis put it in his book everything good: further up, further in. neverending.

wow.

great night

tonight was great. seriously, great, and my God is SO good. 

a woman named doreen irvine wrote an awesome line in her book that has always stuck with me. "when God enters your life all the colours in the world seem brighter"

heres what made me think of that:

on my way home i met a really nice pakistani man in a santa hat, he said to me "the snow should start at 7 in the morning" then we laughed together for a bit, and i paid him for gas (yeah!). then i went outside and filled my car up with gas, when an old man with big glasses that enlarged his eyes got out of his car, walked up to me and said (in a thick german accent) "boy! don't you know it's winter (vinter)!" then we talked for a bit and finished by laughing at how hot my heater was. 

then as if the night wasn't already great, i went to tim hortons (don't tell my manager), and the woman told me what i wanted wasn't on the menu. so i sighed and ordered a plain iced cap. then i drove up and the girl took my money, and smiled, and i asked her how she was, she said "great!" and finished with a big smile and said "merry christmas!!!". the smile she showed me reflected a great deal of joy, and made her one of the most beautiful people i saw all day. 

all this at one truck stop! 

nothing special happened, but in every single person God's creativity was SO prevalent, and i got to see that in the space of 10 minutes after making a detour on my way home. isn't joy wonderful?

and then in addition to that:

i got to chill with one of the BEST families EVER - the drivers!!!!!!!!!

shattering images

something that i've been thinking about for a while is how we see God:

we have the beautiful image of jesus carrying our sin on the cross, that's pretty wicked, i mean, we suck, and so God takes our suckiness on to His own shoulders. He died for all of us. sweet! there's our freedom.

we have cute baby jesus sleeping in a donkeys food trough awwww...so silent...not really actually

then we have the burning bush...powerful - and other old testament images of a powerful God leading us...

these are all nice, good ways to remember God, but most of those are past images of God. ways that God HAS shown up. we need to shift our sight to right now.

brother yun, a great preacher, and minister for God said in his newest book "most churches see God in the past, and in the future, but never see Him as a present figure in our lives" that was a paraphrase because i'm too lazy to pick up the book and write it out. 

thats so true.

quick trivia question, in the old testament what distinguished our God from the pagan gods?

don't think too hard about it, it's really easy, their gods were inanimate statues. 

our God was known as "the great I AM" or my favourite "the living God".

our God is ALIVE, he didn't end at the cross, rather He began a new movement when He came back. "the great mystery of the ages has now been revealed - Christ in you the hope of glory".

remember the past images of God, how they show His love, but now remember that He Is in our lives right now. that when you were saved Holy Spirit came in to your life to help you live a new life without sin. 

He's right here right now, ready to perform signs and miracles. 

"I tell you anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do greater things than these, because I am going to my Father."

seriously!

we forget that our God is the living God, that He isn't far off. He's living in us, and ready to do signs and miracles, and forgive us. we can have joy right now! we can be forgiven right now! He can heal us right now! we have this bad perception that we're evil, wretched, bored and helpless until He comes. but He can take all those away right now. 

He's moving right now.

all of you

think about this, how does God fit in to your life?

if you thought "well sometimes i think about him through the day" or even if you considered Him fitting in to your life, i think you need to reconsider some things.

please, don't take offense, stop reading if it bothers you to hear that.

these aren't thoughts, or reflections, these are things i've personally experienced in my own life. 

things i've realized after living for a while.

He's never going to fit in to your life.

the bible tells us He's an all consuming fire.

jesus also compares our lives as jesus followers to buying a new pair of jeans, ripping them, and using them as a patch for our old jeans.

yes, that might be fashionable these days, but it's impractical. 

when you are given a new pair of jeans, why would you wreck them by adding them to an old pair.

we are given a new life, why do we try and fit it to the old life?

why hold on to sin, bad stuff, why hold on to grief and sadness? 

you can have a new life. 

jesus is a new vintage, you don't add new wine to a bunch of old wine, you take an empty barrel and pour it in to that barrel. 

we need to empty ourselves of our old life and let His new life flood in to us.

romans 12 (BEAUTIFUL chapter of the bible!) says this:

"do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world [as we did in our old life], but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" 

the brackets were mine, do you get it? 

renew means to make new, i don't know if you've ever tried to make something new, but it doesn't work. i can't make my jeans new without a time machine. 

renewing our mind means starting over, throwing everything away, emptying ourselves, and receiving a completely new life.

He wants you to be new, and to live new. He's not asking you to fit Him in, but rather to let all of you be made new by receiving all of Him.

my challenge is this: if you're holding on to pain, if you're still reflecting your old life and trying to follow Him, or if you're not following Him at all then empty yourselves completely, let all you're preconceived notions, and thoughts fall away and let yourselves be made new.

that's what he's asking. in jesus' name be made new.

he breaks chains

all of us are not thirsting enough, not hoping enough, and not letting God be everything.

that is something that we as humans tend to do. we have short attention spans and forget that God is our freedom.

we do things forgetting who gave us legs - it wasn't our parents.

when jesus came the israelites had been in chains for centuries at the hands of countless leaders. he was the messiah - the one coming to set them free, to save them. when he entered the gates of jerusalem on a colt they shouted "hosanna! hosanna in the highest!". 'hosanna' meaning "he saves". 

he doesn't want us in chains

do you get that?

he doesn't want you hurting

you digging?

this crap about living "half for him", praying when you need to isn't freedom. freedom comes with a commitment and obedience.

i love abandoned, free worship of the one who made me, and died for me. what i do comes from what he did. 

i've got a new family in my life that i love so much, i'm so blessed to have them, and i'm going to a new church this year where i've found i can get lost in his presence, and thank him. he continually renews me and revives me and i love the light so much. i cannot imagine what my life would be like without him showing up every day with signs and miracles.

hosanna

lover of light

this is one of my older posts that i really like, so i thought i'd repost it:


so lately i've been realizing something. mainly through a book i'm reading by thomas merton.

through this book, and through another book by a woman named doreen irvine, i've come to realize that most of humanity has a preoccupation with darkness, and all things negative. if i'm talking with someone, i've realized, i'm generally more interested in what's wrong, and what's frustrating than with what's good with their life. if i talk with someone more than likely, we talk about problems with the world, problems with our lives, sin, struggles, not what we're good at, and what God's blessed us with.

"those who live by the spirit have their minds set on what the spirit desires"

that's a quote from romans 8, one of my favourite chapters of the bible. what does the spirit desire? purity? love? grace, peace, light, joy? how often do we say "wow, God has blessed me with _____, ______, and ____"? not often do we have whole conversations about what our gifts are, and what God has given us. although, i think that would be more in line with what God asks of us.

"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things"

when i started aspiring to be a lover of the light, i realized how interested i was in the bad, the shortcomings, the sins of others and of myself. but i've realized to look at the light isn't naiive, it's a virtue of God.

he has decided to look at the good in us, the praiseworthy things, and yet i still look at the darkness and sin.

i want to love light. and that is my prayer, that i might call myself a lover of the light, and set my mind on such things.

hmmmmmmmm

a few things i found interesting:

 - i just watched a guy park at the opposite end of an almost empty parking lot and walk 3 minutes to the variety store to get ice, and walk 3 minutes back. why didn't he park at the spot in front of the variety store? i thought it was silly.

maybe he's a secret agent

 - yesterday at blockbuster i saw an AMAZING father in action. he had two younger daughters, and a son and his friend. the son and friend were about 8 and the two younger ones, maybe 5 and 3? the father wanted the son to rent a movie for his friend, and the daughters to watch a movie together. the reason i thought he was awesome, was because he expressed a genuine concern about the content of each film his kids looked at. he was willing to have his son rent one movie and his daughters another just so that he could make sure they weren't desensitized at too young an age. the son instead picked out a g rated movie so that they could ALL watch a movie together, incredible.

 - and on another note, i think jesus is amazing. nothing new on that front, just felt like throwing that out there. i can't get the words "taste and see that the Lord is good" out of my head, i'm trying to figure out what God wants me to learn from that verse out of psalm 34.

fire in my bones

but if i say "i will not mention him

or speak any more in his name", 

his word is in my heart like a fire

a fire shut up in my bones.

i am weary of holding it in;

indeed, i cannot

i have this stuck in my head, it's jer 20:9, and i saw it first on my friend's shoulder, he has it tattooed there. 

i realized, i don't have much else to talk about than jesus, and when i'm not talking about him, i wish i was. we can "preach the gospel at all times; and if necessary use words" but when you are a very verbal person like me, the words come first. i'm a teacher, and a speaker, and i don't have too much else in my life. without him, i'm nothing, and so what else will i talk about? 

right now i haven't been teaching much in jr high, and i'm missing that, it was such a blessing, and i feel like i have so many words, and i might explode at some point. i need to be more at peace right now.

later gangsters

a few things

- i went to the ancaster fair this weekend, i've decided i don't want to grow old, cause then i won't be invincible anymore (that's sarcasm of course)
- people have wierd ways of relating to each other, they talk about all the bad in a funny way...why not laugh about and celebrate the good? that's more christ-like, lets not give evil any face time.
- we all enjoy bad things in some way, think about notes from underground "i enjoy my toothache, it gives me something to complain about", sadistic pleasure in a toothache...even though it's painful, and bad he enjoys it, similarly we get excited about sickness, and things we complain about, something to do to break the boredom - which is in some way sin because we are dissatisfied with what God gave us. if we are filled with the spirit things of the spirit (love, peace, grace, joy....you get it) follow. are you filled with the spirit, fully living in His love? think about what you enjoy and talk about, see if it is really that way.

trinity

in my car today, i was prayin' and chillin' as i do after work, and i got to thinkin'.

we all know that God is a three in one god. He is the Father, the Holy Spirit, and the Son (Jesus...just in case you're wondering).

now each part of God has a role, and each works together, and they are all equally God...now this is trippy and stuff, so don't worry too much about that. He is God and that is what's important.

the Father is our father, He is a judge, a mentor, He is wrathful...you get the idea

the Son laid down His life out of love for us, He serves us and offers us forgiveness

and the Holy Spirit...is trippy, the Spirit convicts us, lives in us, and is a gift - who gives gifts


and remember, as it says in 1 John "God is Love", so all these characteristics are bound within the boundless love of God, being enacted within Love Himself.


don't worry too much about that, this is all leading somewhere.

the other day, i was at subway, and there you can now get either orange, american, or swiss cheese, all of which i like, and would gladly get at different times...but you see, i usually get orange cheddar...in fact i almost always get orange cheddar. not because i don't like swiss or american, but i just like what the orange cheddar does to the flavour of my sub more than the others.

in june i bought "viva la vida" by coldplay, and it's an awesome cd. i really like all the songs, and i listened to them all, but now i only really listen to 'lost!', 'death and all his friends', and 'cemeteries in london', a third of the whole album. not that i don't like the album, or occasionally listen to the other songs...i just prefer what a third of the album is offering...so i listen to that part of the album more often...

if you don't see where i'm going...i hope you're alright.


as humans, we always like some things, and some people more than we like other things, and other people. similarly with the trinity, we can sometimes get stuck - even though we might not notice it, preferring certain characteristics of God, and certain persons of God more than others.

some churches spend so much time talking about how God judges sin so harshly, and is a God of wrath (bound in boundless Love), that we need to avoid sin...and then they almost forget the forgiveness, gifts, and spiritual blessings of God.
that is preferring the Father.

then other churches spend all their time teaching: 'God is Love', He loves, forgives, and lays down His life for us...and we ought to do the same for Him, and for others! then we ignore His judgement, wrath, conviction, and gifts...we forget to be shaped by His rebukes - which are love as well.
this is preferring the Son.

and i'm sure we're all familiar with churches that teach about the gifts of the Holy Spirit. God wants to heal you now, when you know God many miracles will follow, we follow a God of visions, signs and miracles, receive the blessing of the Holy Spirit now! and then we end up neglecting His rebukes, and forgiveness, and obsessing on spiritual gifts.
that is preferring the Holy Spirit

all of these teachings are right, and parts of God, but we need to accept all three. our God is our judge, and mentor, He does lay down His life, serve, and forgive us, and He has many blessings and gifts to give to us...but we can't pick and choose.

whether we like it or not, our God is three persons in one God. it's a mysterious thing, and almost impossible as a human to have a full view of God. but i challenge you spend your time meditating on each person of God, and let Him challenge you, rebuke you, bless you, and always let Him forgive you.

do not ever get comfortable in your perception of God, i guarantee you, He is infinitely bigger than you and your mind. you can always learn more about Him. it is dangerous to be stuck in one of these patterns. we are called to live a new life, following Jesus, a miracle worker, and we are always sinning, needing a rebuke. God fills all these needs, but when we ignore one of these, we are no longer fully following Him.