cheap jokes

its not too often that i feel like writing anything close to a rant, and i don't really appreciate the emotions behind ranting - i don't think they're wholesome. emotional build-ups frequently lead to rash decisions, and bad choices, but i'm gonna go on for a bit:

tonight a movie came on while we were with a bunch of people - and a girl that i now really admire had the boldness to question if it was something healthy, and wholesome to watch.

the movie had a young guy selling expensive drugs to all his friends, and the main punchline of the jokes were the ridiculous, and outrageous side effects and symptoms that the kids experienced when they took the drugs.

this isn't funny - people high and on drugs, relying on an external substance to fix inner problems, taking up crutches, isn't funny.

similarly out of a bad place of neediness too often jokes come out - cheap jokes - that cost nothing less than a few words, and a bad mind come out. jokes about sex, jokes about 'your mom', jokes about any kind of sin, or depravity - pedophilia - are not funny. they are cheap, costless and destroy our minds.

i challenge you to pick jokes without any guilt attached, it takes a lot of work, and it takes a lot of conviction - and i mess up, i'll go cheap sometimes, but convict me, catch me.

cheap grace happens when we don't give our whole lives to jesus. he says follow me - leave you're dead behind, follow me.

similarly cheap jokes happen when we try and hold on to a worldly tongue. get rid of it. rebuke it, break it off, whatever. we're called to holiness, nothing less.

my heart

i'm gonna tell you my heart right now:

i have no idea why i follow my Father 

and

i have no idea why my Father loves me

yes i am well aware of the theology, and scriptures behind the Father's love. and i'm not having a crisis of faith - the problem is that i can't help but believe. 

i know my history with my Father, and i know the whole story of my testimony - deliverance from paralyzing fear, and crippling insecurity. i've tasted and seen, i've experienced joy and peace beyond measure - experiences that can't be called anything but supernatural.

why have i been given this faith? why have i been given the heart to call on Him in every trial? why am i forced - yes forced! - to cry out, scream and worship Him in all my circumstances? why was i given this heart to see Him exalted? sometimes i want an ignorant life Father! 

today i resonate with the cries of king David who lamented psalm 88 crying out "are your miracles only in the darkness, do you show your wonders to the dead? you Lord have put me in the lowest pit, and yet day and night i lift my hands to you, i exalt your name - but you do not answer. have you rejected Your servant? Father? do you hide Your face from me?"

David wasn't having a crisis of faith, he didn't have bad theology, and he wasn't a depressed man.

i'm scared because God wants us all to have a heart like David - that says "i want nothing less than the Kingdom of God now. justice to all, and holiness in all." and this is foreign to the world - our (Father's) wisdom being called foolishness.

we are called fools by our families, and friends, we are aliens in our homes. the world rejects His servants. 

and so reconciling my thoughts, what scares me is that i have a life ahead of me experiencing that kind of oppression and rejection - even among those who love Jesus. it's not something i'm excited about, and its not something i would turn away from - but i don't eagerly anticipate my suffering, or my rejection. 

i pray for peace, knowing it will come, and i draw strength knowing it's there. and i acknowledge i need saving, every minute. every second i need my Father's grace - not because i'm a sinner, not because i'm evil, but because without His Spirit i am both of those things. 

i have no idea what i wrote above here. thanks.

i'm heading out

oh Lord, 

how many are my transgressions against you?

how many more times will i return to your temple asking forgiveness?

when will it cease? 

will i repent then turn and sin again? 

father forgive me my sins,

forgive my disobedience. 

why choose death when i may have life? 

where is the logic in my decisions?

i've been impatient, i've schemed and planned.

i've not obeyed You, i've ignored your Voice.

oh Lord how can you love a man like me?

when will i wait for you? when will i listen to your promises?

when will i hear Your Voice and obey?

i sleep with bathsheba

and kill uriah, 

but do not worship You.

my child dies from my disobedience,

and i do not exalt You.

where is my repentance? where is my heart?

oh that my heart would be as your servant David's

that when i sin, i do not continue in laziness.

that when trial and punishment comes

i would fast, pray, seek and worship You.

that my first response would be exaltation.

oh how i desire to cast off all complacency!

You say "I will come."

but i do not wait,

You say "wait for Me"

and i make plans.

give me an obedient heart, Father.

i repent of my laziness,

of my complacency.

oh Lord, i will turn from my wicked ways,

i will turn from my laziness, from my complacency.

i will seek you and let you change me.

do not allow me to go on like this.

no more false repentance, no more laziness.

i tear down my idols, i fast, and i pray.

this is my repentance:

not sacrifice, not empty words -

but real fasting, real obedience

acknowledgment.

for i know that You father, 

do not desire sacrifice and burnt offerings,

You do not desire a whitewash of 'praise'

You have no desire for pretty things.

may all my offerings, words, and actions bring forth a river of righteousness,

this is my offering to You Father, my obedience, and acknowledgement.

holiness and purity

i don't have sex until i'm married

i don't do drugs

i don't get drunk

i don't look at pornography

i don't think bad things about people

i don't swear or gossip

i don't hurt people intentionally

i don't covet others' possessions or lifestyles

i don't steal from my neighbour

i don't worship idols

i don't cheat on my girlfriend, fiance or spouse

this list can go on for a while. an extra significant addition to the list, however, is "i do good". its become really popular these days to, in light of jesus' teaching, change this list around to:

i love God, i love my neighbour, i love myself.

because technically, speaking, i'm not going to do any of these if i really follow that statement. 

everything i wrote up there, is good to follow, and is generally wise council. but often we forget how wonderful it is to actually follow these laws - not out of a burdensome, guilty conscience, but for purity's sake.

this week, i had the wonderful experience of living with a family for four days. this family valued purity, and holiness so much. this value is fruit of the Spirit, but not often do we see it as valuable, something of high esteem, or especially a joy! we need to get ready for God. He's coming soon, and we need to be like a bride, perfect, and beautiful - pure - for the bridegroom (its a fancy word for husband) to come. 

i want to desire what God desires, i want to be shaped by the desires of the Spirit. i want to desire good, in fact, i do desire good. i desire purity, and i desire to live purely and holy. 

we can, and should desire what the Spirit desires, this isn't a lofty goal. we have the Spirit of God living in us, the same Spirit that overcame all temptation. if we live by the Spirit, we desire what the Spirit desires.

remember, we have been called pure, righteous, and holy by Jesus. we're not sinful.

i want to watch what goes in to my mind - i want pure jokes, wholesome television, and movies, and good conversation. i want to be surrounded in goodness, and hearing words, and music that edifies me. 

i will be in worship all day. there will be an open space to talk with my Father all day.

this isn't something new, this isn't a resolution, this is a declaration that purity, holiness, and righteousness - even though they're out of season with this world - are valuable.

if i'm given a clean slate, why would i dirty it up? do i want to continue to repent over and over? or do i want to go deeper, getting to know my Creator? 

all about christmas

if you "don't like christmas" for one of the following reasons, please stop.

i'm just as guilty of feeling these things as you are, but stop.

 - "we have so much...they don't" "its just not fair!" "it's not right"

 - "people are SO materialistic"

 - "christmas is so commercial, seriously..."

 - "i don't have family or friends and i'm lonely" (sometimes translated "i don't like my family or my friends and i'm lonely")

 - "it's so tacky, and the carols never stop"

yes, these are all annoying, but that's all they are. they have no more authority over christmas than an obnoxious guest at a dinner party. 

we celebrate because after thousands of years of sin, and hundreds of years of captivity a son came to earth, who was God, and died for us.

its not about feeling guilty - if you feel there is an injustice being done by you receiving a gift and some other kid in africa not receiving a gift then the other 363 days of the year you should be feeling just as guilty too. this injustice is a daily thing. stop feeling guilty, jesus came. now start moving your life to a more chain-breaking lifestyle.

christmas was the ultimate chain-breaker. injustice ruled over our lives, we were bound by sin, and we were under an evil rule. jesus came and broke sin, and set us free.

thats christmas. rejoice, celebrate, be joyful. 

if you have ever disliked christmas i invite you to let it go. 

after all the mountains

i just finished rereading the last battle (the seventh book of the chronicles of narnia) and i would greatly recommend reading it (again).

if you don't want to know how it ends don't read this. 

anyway, it shot things in to perspective for me. 

all our lives we have these "mountaintop experiences" with God. 

(mountaintop referring to when the disciples were on the mountain and Jesus went up in to the sky with moses and elijah to chill for a bit, then the disciples realized how powerful he was and never wanted to stop worshipping on that mountain)

in these times we get so excited by Gods power, that we are filled with an overflowing love love, and an incomparable joy. 

we never want these times to end.

but like the disciples we have to go back to the world and try and live lives as the citizens of heaven we are.

similarly every time the pevensies (lucy peter and edmund - susan denies her narnian citizenship and loses her inheritance) go to narnia they have their own mountaintop experience with aslan.

but eventually they have to leave and go back to the 'real world' to live according to their citizenship.

the last paragraph of the last battle says that they were all sad and aslan asked them why.

they replied that they thought they would have to go back as usual.

i feel that sentiment a lot on retreats, or at worship gatherings.

then aslan says "there was a train accident...the dream is over the morning is come, your holiday has begun"

thats what i hope for.

i knew i was going to heaven, but i never realized it in that way. one day this world will be like a dream and i will be in the real world, the one we've all been practicing for. the world where there will be no more tears, and we will not be able to feel pain. that abundant love and joy we feel in worship will be the only thing we can ever experience, and as cs lewis put it in his book everything good: further up, further in. neverending.

wow.

great night

tonight was great. seriously, great, and my God is SO good. 

a woman named doreen irvine wrote an awesome line in her book that has always stuck with me. "when God enters your life all the colours in the world seem brighter"

heres what made me think of that:

on my way home i met a really nice pakistani man in a santa hat, he said to me "the snow should start at 7 in the morning" then we laughed together for a bit, and i paid him for gas (yeah!). then i went outside and filled my car up with gas, when an old man with big glasses that enlarged his eyes got out of his car, walked up to me and said (in a thick german accent) "boy! don't you know it's winter (vinter)!" then we talked for a bit and finished by laughing at how hot my heater was. 

then as if the night wasn't already great, i went to tim hortons (don't tell my manager), and the woman told me what i wanted wasn't on the menu. so i sighed and ordered a plain iced cap. then i drove up and the girl took my money, and smiled, and i asked her how she was, she said "great!" and finished with a big smile and said "merry christmas!!!". the smile she showed me reflected a great deal of joy, and made her one of the most beautiful people i saw all day. 

all this at one truck stop! 

nothing special happened, but in every single person God's creativity was SO prevalent, and i got to see that in the space of 10 minutes after making a detour on my way home. isn't joy wonderful?

and then in addition to that:

i got to chill with one of the BEST families EVER - the drivers!!!!!!!!!